remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize