All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
