i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i drank out of a bidet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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