Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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