I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
