he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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