I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
