I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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