who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
