Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
