woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
