i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
