Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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