:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
