The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
