you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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