im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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