hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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