I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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