Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
