Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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