it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
