cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
