I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
