apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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