Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
