yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
