it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
