saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
