i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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