What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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