We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
