At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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