You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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