yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
