dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
