I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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