Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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