There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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