Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
