I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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