Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
