Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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