My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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