she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
