So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
