My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
