how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
