is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
