They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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