Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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