Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize