it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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