Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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