I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
