i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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