i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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