Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
