from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
