grandma shit on top of the toilet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
