I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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