So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
