guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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