you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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